


the kid don't play

by ninkybean



Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: F/M, Robb is oblivious, arya wants her sister to get some, theon hasn't planned anything in his life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-30
Updated: 2019-05-30
Packaged: 2020-03-29 13:41:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19021096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ninkybean/pseuds/ninkybean
Summary: Theon's been tasked as Sansa's birthday party planner.What could possibly go wrong?





	the kid don't play

**_sansa's big fat birthday spectacular bonanza because she's turning twent_ **

 

_Theon added Arya, Robb, Margaery, Brienne, Rickon, Jon_

 

Theon: what up fuckers

 Arya: sansa's turning twent?

 Theon: i ran out of space in the group chat title

 Bran: a microcosm for how social media is supposed to open us up, but instead just leaves us in chains

 Rickon: shut up you big nerd.

 Bran; 'you big nerd' ouch, what a burn.

 Theon; GUYS. not the time pls and thank you. as you know sansa is turning twenty two in a week.

Arya: twent*

 Robb: theon, why are you telling us about our own sister's birthday?

Theon: because, my dear friend, your own mama and papa left ME in charge of planning it

Margaery: they did WHAT?!?!?!

Bran: i always considered mum and dad intelligent people. hm.

Robb: right. well. it's been nice knowing you all. see you at sansa's birthday party where we're all going to die when sansa implodes and kills us all because of the disaster of her birthday which she takes very seriously.

 Theon: i'm not going to pretend to know why they asked me to be in charge, and i'm not going to pretend that none of your comments hurt me. because ouch. anyway, the task falls on my hands so I need each of you losers to help me make this the best twenty second birthday party sansa will ever have.

 Jon: it's the only twenty second birthday party she's going to have, theon

 Theon:

 Theon: shut up.

 Theon: ANYWAY. its happening at your parents place and we're telling sansa that it's just a small family thing because that's the kind of thing you say to someone when you're planning them a surprise party and don't want them to know.

 Bran: you're a logical man theon. i like it.

 Theon: arya, margaery and brienne, you're on birthday distractions. i'm talking mimosas, i'm talking shopping, i'm talking gossip.

 Brienne: is that what you think we do theon?

 Margaery: sansa may not look like it, but she is not a mimosa girl. i've seen the woman down 8 shots of tequila and dance on the table at Grenn's

 Arya: after joffrey?

 Margaery: joffrey.

 Theon: please don't give sansa tequila before her own party

 Margaery: no promises greyjoy

 Theon: robb and rickon, you're on decorations

 Rickon: you've put me and robb on decorations? are you stupid? me and robb have the combined art skills of a three year old.

 Bran; i take back what i said before. about logic.

Theon: i'm sorry, but jon's the only one with a car big enough to pick up the cake i've ordered

 Jon: pardon?

 Robb: i don't want to know

 Theon: she's turning TWENTY TWO people!

 Arya: this is all just a big plan to get in sansa's bed, isn't it theon?

 Robb: WHAT?

 

_Theon removed Robb from the chat._

 

_Arya to Theon_

 

Arya: listen greyjoy

 Theon: yes sir

 Arya: i'm going to take pity on you and help you plan this party because if you do a good job and my sister finds out it was you who planned it she will probably jump your bones. everyone knows that sansa has needed to get some for months now, so i'm doing this for the greater good

 Theon: the greater good?

 Arya: can you read?

 Theon: yes i can read you little shit

 Theon: hang on. sansa's gonna jump my bones?

 Arya; just shut up and accept my help already will you?

 Theon: gladly.

 Arya: good. now firstly, if you buy plastic straws sansa may burst out into tears because of the turtles, so be warned.

 Theon: let me take down notes.

 

_Rickon to Theon_

 

Rickon: can i be on playlist duty?

 Theon: sure kiddo. just make sure to put ice ice baby on there at least 4 times

 Rickon: any reason why?

 Theon: sansa raps it like an angel

 

_Sansa to Theon_

 

Sansa: why does your spotify say you've been listening to ice ice baby on repeat for two hours now?

Theon: why are you stalking what i'm listening to on spotify?

Sansa; you have an... oddly good taste in music.

Theon: case closed.

Sansa: Arya hasn't sent you that video of me rapping it, has she?

Theon: WHAT VIDEO

Sansa: what have i done

Theon: you've given me the key to pandora's box, that's what

Sansa: ah. so you had a greek mythology stage too then theon?

Theon: you've either had a ancient greek phase or an ancient egyptian phase, and if you haven't, you're lying.

Sansa: so will there be any greek mythology decorations at my party? 

Theon: i have no idea what you're talking about.

 

**_sansa's big fat birthday spectacular bonanza because she's turning twent_ **

 

Theon: SHE KNOWS

Arya: of course she knows, theon. we've been throwing her a surprise birthday party ever since she was 13

Theon: no. she can't know. it needs to be perfect. 

Robb: stop trying to have sex with my sister!

Rickon: YEAH

Bran: I too would reply YEAH but i am smart enough to know that sansa is her own woman and can do whatever with whomever. the testosterone in this chat is positively repulsing

Arya: YEAH

Theon: how does she know i'm organising it?

Robb: starks aren't snitches.

Margaery: it may have been me?

Theon: MARGAERY

Margaery: what? i wanted her to know that if it was a complete disaster that none of it was my doing! the party i threw her last year was so good that the after party had an after party. i can't sully my reputation.

Theon: well isn't this just GREAT

Arya: theon i have something that will cheer you up

Arya: a whole 4 minutes and 14 seconds of sansa rapping ice ice baby

Theon: you are my hero, arya stark

 

\\\

 

**_sansa's big fat birthday spectacular bonanza because she's turning twent_ **

 

Theon: go time people.

Theon: alcohol?

Brienne: bought and stored in ned and catelyn's utility room

Theon: decorations?

Rickon: me and robb are setting the bunting up now but i'm going to be honest, it looks worse than the bake sale my school held when i was in year two

Robb: hey! i helped set up that bake sale!

Rickon: exactly

Theon; Arya? what is your location and eta?

Arya: we're at the cafe down the street from sansa's, theon, like i said we'd be. we'll get to mum and dad's for eight ish?

Theon: EIGHT ON THE DOT.

Arya: she alreaDY KNOWS ITS HAPPENING THEON

Theon: I have a surprise up my sleeve. jon where's the cake?

Bran: is the surprise you in your birthday suit draped in front of the fireplace?

Arya: nice.

Theon: SHUT UP. jon. cake.

Jon: in the back of my car. christ theon, it's three tiers!

Theon: because sansa's favourite food is lemon drizzle cake and one tier of the stuff isn't enough!

Arya: better get that utility room clear greyjoy. you're gonna need it for when you and sansa go off for a secret rendezvous... ;)

Robb: THERE WILL BE NO RENDEZVOUSING 

Arya: wanna bet?

 

\\\

 

_Sansa to Theon_

 

Sansa: thank you for putting all that effort into throwing me the party. the decorations top it off.

Theon: the bunting is pieces of paper that robb cut up into triangles and coloured in with felt tip

Sansa: the playlist is so good!

Theon: it's been three hours of rickon playing take that's classic hits.

Sansa: don't forget the taylor swift margaery managed to pepper into there

Sansa: and plus, you got my favourite cake

Theon: half of the icing melted and slid off in Jon's car!!!

Sansa: lemon drizzle will never not be delicious

Sansa: the best part was when you descended the stairs, dressed as vanilla ice, and rapped ice ice baby WORD FOR WORD. 

Theon: i'm sorry the impersonator was a no show.

Sansa: theon. it was the best twenty second birthday i could have asked for. now, about that utility room that arya mentioned to me earlier?

Theon: i'm just going to take off my goatee and slip into something more comfortable.

Sansa: leave the goatee on.

 

_Robb to Arya_

 

Robb: my BEST FRIEND? and MY SISTER? and YOU KNEW?

Arya: wow. i didn't know they'd changed b to s in the alphabet. STOP ACTING LIKE A TOTAL ROSS.

Robb: ROSS? i'm chandler with a little phoebe thrown in.

Arya: protective caveman older brother may have suited you when joffrey was in the picture, robb, but theon's a good guy. and he's had a crush on sansa for forever, he won't do anything to fuck this up.

Robb: he's had a crush on her how long????????!?!?!?!????!!!!!!!

Arya: i have something that will cheer you up

Arya: a whole 4 minutes and 14 seconds of theon dressed as vanilla ice, rapping ice ice baby

Robb: you are my hero, arya stark.

 


End file.
